Treading water

I may be treading water but I refuse to sink" is my mantra but somedays I would rather sink and just let everything go as it may. Sometimes the good fight is to much to ask for. Instead I take a deep breath and wait for the moment, the day the week or the month to pass when I can surface again. When you're doing all this in your own you never get a chance to say "life is to hard, help support me today". Instead you wear yourself out more my being both the imprisoned, the jailer and the rescuer. 

I never realized I was scared of me, and not in the "omg he is so cute, there is no way I can talk to him!"

Instead one of my earliest memories goes back to when we were very young and my father got very mad at my brother. In my young mind I was terrified just watching it. He never abused it but still seeing that kind of power scared me. I suppose that was when I first told myself that men have all the power. 20 years later and I am still working on integrating the real truth into my life. We only have power over ourselves and those we give it to. 

I am a woman and have a marvelous power and purpose.